27 March, 2020: Donnalyn Xu

Sydney, Australia


Lately, I’ve been thinking about how often I say the word truly. As in, truly, I mean it, believe me. “Truly,” I text Emma on Tuesday night. “I think Taylor Swift is a great songwriter.” 
 
I haven’t written poetry for four months, and though I know this isn’t the time to be searching for beauty, I still miss it. I used to think everything in the world could make me feel something, but now I look at the light coming in from the window, and I don’t want to turn it into anything. I think all poems are just that – the turning-of-things, the stitching. 
 
The other day I got an email about a poetry submission I’d forgotten about. I sent it in two months ago, and its arrival was a pleasant surprise. The poem, written for a Creative Writing class late last year, was about a night time train ride and my own loneliness. In his letter, the editor wrote: Sincerely, it’s wonderful. 
 
He probably sends the same email to everyone, but something about the word Sincerely still tugs at my heart. It feels like the grown-up version of my childish Truly!, which always sounds like it should be followed by an exclamation point. It’s a habit and a sentiment of mine, to want so desperately to be believed. My mum thinks the way I say, “do you know what I mean?” is condescending, but how else will I know. How else are we supposed to say things, except sincerely, truly, the way it really means, hoping maybe someone else can feel it too.
 

Donnalyn Xu is a Filipino-Chinese writer, poet, and sometimes-artist from Sydney. She is a Libra sun/moon/venus, which means that everything she writes is a love poem in some way.